This is a mommy blog

Recently I decided to step my blog up a notch. I’ve been reading up on how to define my blog, How to take better pictures… how to do this and how to do that. One thing that keeps popping up in my mind has been my definition of my blog and its simple ...this is a mommy blog. Yes it is. I am a mommy. I’m tired of hearing Zansi is married ehen.. Zansi is a mommy .. ehen.. I’m married to an amazing man and mommy to two beautiful children. Does this define me … I don’t think so. I’m still an engineer, I’m still a woman…. I’m still me. I am a product of the choices and decisions I make and I will not whine about this.

I don’t tie wrapper all over the house... I think that’s just plain nasty and I don’t think buying a N1000 magazine validates me as a mommy. So I’d rather buy a bunch of plantains or pay for my internet or phone subscription. If I can afford it fine, otherwise I don’t even think about it. I have loads of stuff to read anyways.  Now I’m not saying one choice is better than the other. Whichever you decide please own it.

We really need to stop comparing. I’m so tired of hearing mommys comparing, saying stuff like how did our moms hold it down. The terrain was much different then. I remember walking to and from primary school with my sister and friends in our estate. This was a 10 minute walk both ways and it was fun. We would take our time gist and chatting as the group gets larger and larger with more kids joining us. Now I can’t even let my kids stand in front of my gate much less walk to their school alone just two minutes away. I want to know where they are, what they are doing and who they are with.

Having babies does not make you a mommy. Plain and simple. Being a mommy transcends beyond that. 

Don’t even get me started on the team working mom vs the team stay-at-home mom. I don’t even know where this started from and I've had the chance to be both. I decided to go back to work. I made that choice. I have seen working moms holding it down and I've seen stay at home moms holding it down as well. Your job does not define you as a mommy. I’m sorry it just doesn't. If you chose to go to work and you need to hire ten house helps to keep it together then by all means own it and if you are a stay-at-home mom and you have your kids all looking fuggly and hungry well if that’s your thing own it.

And neglecting your husband in lieu of giving your kids attention is just plain cray-cray.. The I’m tired excuse just doesn't work any longer. It’s like abandoning the golden goose because of the golden eggs. Number one baby is your husband. Yes you have to mentally schedule your sex-time. I actually have a mental clock that Bobo needs to have ‘it’ at least four times a week and not those lie in bed and get it over with type.I’m talking about Kama sutra stuff and yes there will be some slip-ups. The dishes can stay in the sink overnight for one night and sometimes I tell him to wake me up after a few hours … but my big baby gets his workout.

Mommys we worry about the same things, the safety of our kids, our success, our husbands, our parents among other things... So let’s stop the judging and criticizing. We are our own worst critics. The economic and social terrain now is just plain rough and nobody is speaking up. Maybe because we are all busy trying to be ‘supermoms’ when we already are.

I’m going to take a stab at all our new age town-criers .. crying we need a new Nigeria, we need a new Nigeria, We need a reform and their target audience is just plain hilarious. They are speaking to the youths and the young adults. I’m not sure how that works. Mommys are just plain too busy, Mommys are in traffic driving to and from work, Mommys are not prepared to give you ten thousand Naira to listen to you tell them how to live their lives and still have to pay for a baby sitter. Tell them how to stretch a Naira or how to deal with that crazy househelp or how to bring the school fees down without sacrificing the quality of education, and you have their attention then you can tell them about their role in this New Nigeria because I'm convinced they are the bedrock of character building in the society. 

I’m a little tired of seeing mommys being taken advantage just because we don’t own it. Whatever you decide please own it. Stop letting yourself get pushed around by your inner demons and outer demons.. as my daughter will say ..raawwr.. roar at them. Being a mommy means holding it down. Making decisions and having confidence. However, there are some basics, some underlinings….like hygiene and finance.. and from time to time we will touch on some of these but overall… please know this that we will figure this out together. .. Love Zansi