A Word.....

I don’t know why but this happens to me a lot. I start out with something in mind to write about. I think about it for days from different angles and then a couple of days before I put pen to paper or rather put my fingers to my keyboard I change it all …

I started out with a post for Makeup 101.. yes I know there are over one million posts on make up but wait till you read mine.. but on my way to work last Thursday other thoughts started gathering in my mind.

So that’s what ‘ A Word’ is about…  

It’s about inspiring a woman out there. I had these thoughts during International Womens’ Day but I never got around to it and now Mother’s Day seems equally perfect.

I can’t remember how many times I've heard from one friend or the other about some dream inside their heart that is either long forgotten or just lying fallow.

And I know how this feels and I feel it is such a shame. I can’t even begin to describe how interesting and animated I get when I engage someone that is doing something about their dream. It is so exciting.

But I also know how difficult it is to connect your dream to your reality. It is hardwork. Add to it other factors like children or a husband or work or age in different degrees and variations and it gets even harder.

And so on and on it looks like other’s are achieving your dreams, your goals... and you are there watching them do it… That sucks!

It seems like somebody out there is doing something you always wanted to do. Somebody out there is writing your books, singing your song, acting your parts, writing your scripts or creating something and you watch them on TV, listen to them on the radio, read about them in the media and it feels like ‘them-them’ but guess what these people need YOU probably even more than you need them. The actors need YOU to watch their movies and the writers need YOU to read their books. They are not any more or any less confident that you are! In fact I beg to argue that before anybody reaches a certain level of success  we all suffer from a bit of insecurity from time to time… a can-I-can’t-I kind of feeling.

So why not find a way to start. Doing it little by little. Polishing your craft along the way. And sometimes the same idea from your youth may not work any longer so you tweak it a little. I have to admit it may mean some sleepless nights but if it’s something you love something you desire, a few sleepless nights will mean little or nothing. You may need to get creative. You may need to work on it during weekends or at night and you’ll probably need a whole lot of planning. And somehow as your start you may stumble sometimes and question yourself other times but as you keep on creating your confidence starts to build up with each try, Honest!

In Secondary school I somehow “fell” into Science class. I use the term “fell” loosely because at that point in life I didn’t really have a clear thought of what I wanted to be. My sister fell into Art class. From this point on I never drew art again except the straight lines of Technical drawing and my sister was considered the “artist” the creative one. Fast forward years later I took a course in fashion and I got inspired by life forms. I can shamelessly say that right now I draw much better than my sister. It wasn’t easy but I was interested. I carried my small sketchpad around with me and I got my hands on some materials and I started teaching myself. I may not be the best at sketching but I’m pretty good at it.

That's my eye in the corner.. .. haha no its not! I think the I need to go pee hand in the air figure is supper cool!

I even signed my name and date at the corner like a real "artist" I can hear my sister's voice in my head saying faaaackiie faaaackie!

I don’t know how to say this but I've probably had more fun blogging than it is cool to admit. I've learnt so much about SEO,Crowd funding and some pretty cool stuff. I am quick to admit I’m not as witty as Afambewbew (yes he calls himself that)  and Ofili, neither am I as ‘fashionable’ as Fisayo Longe of mirror me, Toyin of soho sister or j’adore fashion nor do I cook up a storm like Dooney’s kitchen and Chef Fregz. In actual fact when I get on Chicsimo or Pinterest I’m looking for ways to style jeans and flats over and over again (in case you didn't know before I wear jeans ALL the time because of the nature of my job) and when I get on food gawker it’s to check out kiddie friendly recipes that don’t require more than six ingredients or something that my son will not take one look at and declare it “yuck”. 

But I have had so much fun checking out their blogs, I believe even more fun than they had writing it. And I don’t just check what you write I tell somebody to tell somebody about it. I refer to it in my conversations. If I think what you are doing is cool. I refer to it over and over again.

So please if you have an idea, a thought in your head a beat in your heart and you just don’t know how to connect from A to Z.. please drop a mail zansisgroove@gmail.com let’s talk about.

Love Zansi.

P.S

Happy Mothers Day!! Hugs and Kisses… mmmwah!!

I Loved Him First

I spent a few days wondering what to blog about as most of my write-ups are either unfinished because of pictures or I need somebody’s input. Then out of the blues one of my besties, Mrs T and I started talking about the Mother-in-law (MIL) vs. Daughter-in-law (DIL) debate. We have had this conversation once or twice and I think it’s one of those things that we had to agree to disagree.

You only need to google ‘ Mother-in-law’ or ‘Daughter-in-law’ to see why this debate has progressively gone from bad to worse. I even read somewhere that MILs are mean, evil and witches. Haba!! And I’m sure if you hear from the MILs… DILs are useless, money-grabbing, greedy sluts.

Indeed, I have heard a lot of crazy stories from both sides and I don’t assume this post will settle the matter. Jamais!

I don’t have a crazy MIL and I’m an uber-cool DIL (*winks). So what is my own in this matter?

Emm… Emmmmm I have a boy child so I am that potential MIL… *groans, covers face, ROTFL*

I’m not ashamed of this fact oh! I am so proud of it. Now you see this is not about having a male child because the African culture postulates that you are a G, a bonafide “woman” when you have a male child. I think that’s crap. I know some ladies will say ohh Zee it’s because you have one and so you are not searching. Me, I know that I had absolutely nothing to do with the sex of my child. That was all God because if you know me … if you’ve read my stories you will know till I held my son in my arms I didn’t … scratch that and insert DID NOT believe I was carrying a baby in my tummy… yes yes… It just sounded crazy to me... Well that’s a story for another day.

Apparently there are three sides to this conflict: the son, the wife/DIL and the MIL.

I remember one time, years ago I went to a women’s programme with my aunt, my uncle’s wife. Now you see my aunt is a pastor and a full time super working mom and she also has a biz on the side and at this time they were living with my Grandmum that’s my uncle’s mum. Not in the same apartment but in the same building. At the end of the programme, participants were asked to write their questions down and the questions were sorted out for each speaker. My aunt got the questions about in-laws and such and as she read out her first question it was about a DIL and a MIL. I settled down in my seat because I was really curious to hear her answer. She said most times a level of patience and understanding is needed. Patience does not mean allowing your MIL to walk over you but rather choosing your battles and words carefully. You can make your point known without undermining your MIL and while still trying to understanding her.

My Aunt lived with her MIL (my Grandmum) for years probably 15 years more or less. And then they moved to their own house complete with Swimming pool and all, the full works. My Grandmum and my uncle are really close. I’ve seen them together. They can sit together for hours and not say a word. Being in each other’s presence is enough. You see something, She loved him first.

A mother’s relationship with her son is one of the most intimate but non-intimate relationships and that’s what this is all about... Relationships. Relationships require a bit of work and a lot of patience.

Being a mother of a boy I have had this discussion with a fellow Mom (of a boy). A part of us groaned with some concern at the fact that somewhere, sometime in the future, there is this baby girl that’s going to come and take our sons. Now we don’t have a problem with that but then she’s going to come and call us a ‘witch’ yessss…. I said it. Agreed there are some MIL- DIL relationships that are just beautiful. You accept her she accepts you but you just step out of line and see the wrath. So for now we can only just pray for the best.

So to my DIL,

Dear DIL, Guess what? I loved him first.

It’s just as simple as that.

Love Zansi

My Grandmum and My Son

P.S

Do you have any crazy MIL-DIL story to share and how are you dealing with it? Or do you have any advice for me so I don’t turn into the crazy MIL? *smiles. 

P.P.S 

These past few weeks it has just been one thing or the other. My heart goes out to the families of the passengers on Malaysian aircraft MH370

And the families of the Nigerian citizens that lost their lives and to those that were injured during the recent NIS job interview.

Zeezee Catering Practical

Anytime I start to talk about my kitchen adventures my sister will say Zansi this your Alase (traditional Party Caterers) business is booming oh!

When I got married to Bobo I stopped bragging about my cooking. You see my husband has four sisters and all of them are certified caterers. They like to cook and they make sure you know that they like and know how to cook. They all have their specialties from moinmoin to jollof rice to Ikokore. But you see this quiet akata wife knows how to cook but I don’t brag and I know when to pick the battles I can win. In fact for years they assumed I don’t cook but Bobo’s expanding waistline was becoming perplexing. I cook well not extraordinary but pretty good. The other thing is I like to try new recipes nothing crazy but just new ways of cooking regular stuff. And Plating ohh… I love nice plates.

Now let me back track and tell you a little about my kitchen… I have the tiniest kitchen in the entire Lagos area. I know I’m exaggerating but my kitchen is tiny. My friend called it cute.. yeah right.

And my gas cooker has only one working burner not two or one and a half. It has just one. I have my eyes on one cooker that I’m saving up for. Nothing fancy but really sturdy. Will definitely upload the pictures so you yes you reading and wondering what to buy for me.. winks

Recently one of the drivers in my office helped me to get a transistor radio. It was for my French practice but I use it in the kitchen now. I pray and sing worship songs when I cook. Somehow the food turns out good. It must be the grace of God… *smiles.

So this weekend the kids were away at my mum’s and I decided to do some serious cooking so on Saturday after some serious cleaning and scrubbing of the house I headed off to the market. Saturday in Lagos was hooooooottt… I was sweating chei! First check: my list

Here’s a list of the things I wanted to make: 

Efo Riro

Healthy Efo

Spagetti Bolognese

Buka Stew

Ewedu

Beef Stew

Zobo

Beans

Coconut Rice with Chopped Vegs

Vegetable Salad

The Efo Riro, Healthy Efo riro, Spagetti Bolognese, Buka Stew, Ewedu, Gloria's Beef stew, Zobo and beans recipies were all gotten from Dooney's Kitchen Here

The Salad and Coconut rice recipes are mine. 

Here’s some of the things I bought

Pepper – N500 (N is Nigerian Naira)

Lemon – N100

Shrimps and Prawns –N500

Beef and Tripe - N500

Ponmo (cow skin) – N200

Ewedu- N50 ( I used just like 70% Threw the rest away. The picking was becoming tedious)

Okro – N50

Dry pepper – N200

Cabbage, Carrots, Green Pepper,Lettuce - N750 

Vegetable (Soko) - N300

Crayfish, Eja Sawa and Locust Beans (Iru) - N300

This totals to N3,450 ... I spent way more than this because I also bought staples for the house and kids. 

I put up the costs to give you an idea of the quantities I bought. 

L-R: Efo Riro, Dooney's Buka Stew, Dooney's Ewedu

Mentions:

A lot of things are not on the list because I have them at home and we only cook in small quantities in my house because of a combination of freezer space, nepa things, bobo’s aversion to food from the freezer beyond a week. Two weeks max.

I also used a lot of turkey and gizzard because I had them at home too. For my Buka stew I added the turkey at the very end because turkey cannot handle so much gragra.

Spagetti Bolognese is out because I forgot to buy the minced beef. I also forgot to buy the orange for the Zobo. I still went ahead to make it!

Heathy Efo is off the list well because the pepper finished. The Efo Riro did not hit the spot so I remixed it adding a lot more atarodo and then it did. 

I left the beans because there was just too much food flying around and when I started cooking the Buka stew my kitchen started smelling like a buka.... really freaky and I don't like buka food (*covers face). I just don't like it at all... but by the next day the stew smelt great. 

 Sorry guys I forgot to take the pictures of the Gloria’s Beef stew, Zobo, Coconut rice and the Salad.

And Please please please wash up as you go along you end up with cooked food and a clean kitchen right about the same time. #Chef Fregz

Also recipes are guides.. so let them do just that ... guide you!

Here’s the list of what I will be cooking next so watch out for Part 2 …..nollywood style

Spagetti Bolognese

Beans with seafood

Caramel

Grilled Fish

Pancakes/Crepes

Sandwich

Salad

Coconut Rice

Love Zansi

P.s

I started my garden in February. Can’t wait to start reaping the harvest. This farming business is not a joke oh.. just making mistakes and correcting and correcting … But I have God and my very own consultant.. mama senami thats's my mum. * smiles.

I also started my recipe cards and can’t wait to show them off. 

Blog luuurve: Jon Jorgenson and The Anima Series

I love reading. Anybody that spends any amount of time with me will know this. I just love it. At times I read to a point my head hurts and at other times I get overwhelmed by the amount of information I am exposed to daily. But then comes along a writer that just hits me like a gust of wind … whoosh. Just knocks me out of my seat. I want to gobble everything they've ever written and devour it. It consumes me. I want to tell everybody about it. The first time this happened to me was 16 years ago 1998. The Book, “7 Habit of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey”. I think this was one of the times that my mum started to wonder about me. I didn't just read this book; I took notes, summarized it and carried it with me everywhere.  I have been blessed to have read a number of books. I beg borrow buy but never steal. Some books are just crap and it’s like yuck, others are ……magic. However, as difficult as it is to admit, Books can be expensive. Now, they have to go on my budget, go through my approval process before the funds are allocated and then I search online for the books. Then I order and wait and wait. When it finally arrives I smell it, look at it, caress it…… Yes. All this reminiscing has me salivating ….. generating thoughts. Book clubs, book swaps…. Anyone out there!!

My current book wish list: Mandela, Oprah and Ofili.. simple and short.

But this isn't about Books… I digressed. This is about Blogs or rather one blog in particular… Jon Jorgenson’s blog and the Anima Series.

I first heard about the Anima Series from a colleague.Almost like I have been living under a rock. Shame on me. The first videos I watched was "I Am Awesome" for women , "The Wall" and "Not Qualified" and I was hooked. I wanted to know who did this. Who are these people? Cue in Google, And that’s when I stumbled upon Jon Jorgenson and his message of creativity. Inspiring and bringing hope to this generation in a clear concise and interesting medium. Beautiful, Brilliant….

Alan Bennett says it perfectly. These best moments are not only in reading any longer, in watching, in listening even in tasting. 

Here are a few of his quotes that just tipped me over …

"Creative people are not any smarter than the average person, but they’re ten times more curious. They aren’t afraid to ask questions, to ponder ridiculous solutions, and to risk looking silly. Creative people don’t have to be naturally gifted; they just have to drop their inhibitions. "       Jon Jorgenson

"Art is a work produced by human creative skill and imagination. 
The memo that changed the way your company does business…art.
The fundraiser organized by the twelve-year-old to support cancer research…art.
The mother who holds a Wednesday afternoon “book club” in order to make her kid’s mandatory summer reading more fun…art."   Jon Jorgenson

"In this life, needles come at us in the form of challenges, trials, and setbacks. These challenges constantly poke at us to see what we’re really made of, to see if we’re puffed up on our own knowledge, or if we’re building what we have on love. Knowledge is a powerful tool, and it can puff up some pretty impressive balloons. But without love, knowledge will never be anything more. If our identity is found in what we know, or what we’ve achieved, then we’ll never create anything of lasting significance."  Jon Jorgenson

"What no one tells you about achieving your dreams is that it's hard.
What no one tells you about achieving your dreams is that it takes 99.9% work for .1% celebration." Jon Jorgenson

You only need to read a few of his posts to know that you can create, you have to create, you need to create and that you are not alone in this journey of life.

What books, Music,Videos, Blogs are currently inspiring you? Please share…. 

Love Zansi

Please feel free to explore Jon Jorgenson’s blog here and the Anima series videos here… and watch out for my own spoken word series soon *winks 

The Adventures of T-Boy Series 1

Bonjour a tous! Yes I can speak a little French. Well not a little just Bonjour and Ca Va. My mum speaks French and she taught me that. I know she wants me to be bi-lingual. I know this just as I know it’s 7am because Mummy Joy just walked in to wake me up for school. Just like clockwork. Mommy and Mama Joy don’t miss this 7am wake up. Initially I thought they’ll get tired and leave me to wake up at twelve noon like my Aunty encourages me to but these women mean business. They don’t play. I guess getting me to school on time is very important to them. A lot of things are important to my mum. Like school work, I noticed she asks every day, “How was school today Tee?”, and she asks this same question everyday then we do my homework together no matter how tired she is after work or how distracted I am. So I know school and homework is important to my mum.

But I digress this is more about what I’ve been up to lately. You see, I am a very curious boy like most boys my age and luckily my mum listens to me. Like I know how the water goes down the drain in the sink into the pipe and into the gutter. I know this because I asked my mom over and over again and she didn’t get tired of explaining it to me.

I also have a new friend, his name is Dami. He’s five years old. I’m going to be four years old soon. We have loads of fun running around after school. Dami lives in the next building and we go to the same school but we are not in the same class. We play a lot but we also quarrel a lot. Honestly, I don’t know why. It usually starts out as playing but somehow escalates into fists. Yesterday I scratched Dami on his face. It was a mistake. We were playing rough. Mommy was furious. I thought she would give me a smack but she made me go to Dami’s house and apologise. I didn’t mind so much because Dami and I are friends again. Well when I woke up this morning I noticed mommy had clipped my finger nails so short they almost hurt. She clipped my toe nails as well…. Like I can scratch with that… Wow!

My mum worries a little too much about what I eat, what I wear, who I play with, homework… I wish I could just tell her to chill and read the book of Mathew 6: 25 – 34. I try to hug her often just so she knows everything will be alright.

I know she cares about me a lot. She tells me over and over that I’m a superhero. I told my mum yesterday that she wasn’t my friend anymore because she asked me to eat my dinner before playing with a yoyo I just got. Surprisingly, she didn’t care about that!

T-Boy, My superhero... watch out!

*The adventures of T-boy is just me trying to get into the head of a 3 year old boy. I don’t think I can ever achieve that but I think I can try… watch out for more because boys are always in motion.

Love Zansi

Much ado about Lupita Nyong'o

Quite a lot has been said about Lupita Nyong'o, from her flawless skin to her striking red carpet choices and her bold lip colours. Lupita is a hot topic. You only need to google Lupita Nyong'o to realise she is Hollywood's It girl. Now don’t get me wrong I think Lupita is stunning and I can’t get enough of her but for something else. Every time I see Lupita step out on the red carpet what strikes me the most is her self-confidence and poise. Lupita is not a fluke. This lady works hard. It is quite obvious that Lupita has been preparing for this moment for a while.

I heard a message once while I was in Uni and it has stuck with me since. The speaker said unlocking your success is like the padlock with the grooved key. You know the keys that have different groove marks along the stem and to unlock the padlock you have to do a series of turns like turn a little to the left and then turn it round and so on. And he asked if it is the first turn or the last turn that unlocks the padlock that rather it is the series of our life experiences. Both the good and the not-so-good. All of these experiences sum up together in one way or another to unlock our talent and passion.

I remember watching Lupita on Shuga a couple of years ago and it took a while for me to figure out that she’s the same person in 12 years a slave. From her background, to furthering her studies it is pretty obvious  that Lupita has been honing her craft preparing for this moment.

So like the duck don’t stop working on that dream. Go the extra mile. Burn the midnight oil. Do what you have to do. It's not going to be easy. Don’t stop honing your craft. Don’t stop opening yourself up to life experiences. Because the sum of all these experiences is the key to unlocking your passion. 

Love Zansi 

Grateful.....

All through the weekend I thought I was going to do a post on my white board however, early Sunday morning our carpenter delivered our new dinning set and I started thinking of something else.

Sometime last year I decided to do some little renovations in our apartment. Bobo was initially against it but my enthusiasm gradually won him over. I made AutoCad drawings of our apartment and made several layout options including things like a dinning set and a toddler bed for Temi. Next I made a checklist of what and what needed to be done and we started going through it one at a time. Now you see one of the reasons I am so specific about our needs in the house is because we stay in a small apartment and I am truly convinced that getting a dinning set is very important, sitting together, sharing family dinners and cutting back on the TV time.

After the carpenter left, we left for church. On our way in the car, an image of our apartment when we just got married flashed through my mind…. Toys are everywhere now and almost all elements from Bobo’s bachelor pad is gone. This image left me feeling really tingly all over.

I promised myself to do some new things in areas of my life this year and one of them was to attend a revival. The last revival I attended was in university and that was a while ago. I discussed this with my friend and she invited me to one. She asked me to think of things I want from God this year and things I want to get rid of in my life. I actually thought this will be easier. You see, I've grown a lot these past few years. I can't think in terms of the 'I want .. I want... I want' frame of mind. My dreams and goals transcend beyond my immediate needs and wants.

So even when I think I want a better job, a bigger house deep deep down inside me I am absolutely grateful for the things I have, for this moment, right here right now…

Love Zansi