I Loved Him First

I spent a few days wondering what to blog about as most of my write-ups are either unfinished because of pictures or I need somebody’s input. Then out of the blues one of my besties, Mrs T and I started talking about the Mother-in-law (MIL) vs. Daughter-in-law (DIL) debate. We have had this conversation once or twice and I think it’s one of those things that we had to agree to disagree.

You only need to google ‘ Mother-in-law’ or ‘Daughter-in-law’ to see why this debate has progressively gone from bad to worse. I even read somewhere that MILs are mean, evil and witches. Haba!! And I’m sure if you hear from the MILs… DILs are useless, money-grabbing, greedy sluts.

Indeed, I have heard a lot of crazy stories from both sides and I don’t assume this post will settle the matter. Jamais!

I don’t have a crazy MIL and I’m an uber-cool DIL (*winks). So what is my own in this matter?

Emm… Emmmmm I have a boy child so I am that potential MIL… *groans, covers face, ROTFL*

I’m not ashamed of this fact oh! I am so proud of it. Now you see this is not about having a male child because the African culture postulates that you are a G, a bonafide “woman” when you have a male child. I think that’s crap. I know some ladies will say ohh Zee it’s because you have one and so you are not searching. Me, I know that I had absolutely nothing to do with the sex of my child. That was all God because if you know me … if you’ve read my stories you will know till I held my son in my arms I didn’t … scratch that and insert DID NOT believe I was carrying a baby in my tummy… yes yes… It just sounded crazy to me... Well that’s a story for another day.

Apparently there are three sides to this conflict: the son, the wife/DIL and the MIL.

I remember one time, years ago I went to a women’s programme with my aunt, my uncle’s wife. Now you see my aunt is a pastor and a full time super working mom and she also has a biz on the side and at this time they were living with my Grandmum that’s my uncle’s mum. Not in the same apartment but in the same building. At the end of the programme, participants were asked to write their questions down and the questions were sorted out for each speaker. My aunt got the questions about in-laws and such and as she read out her first question it was about a DIL and a MIL. I settled down in my seat because I was really curious to hear her answer. She said most times a level of patience and understanding is needed. Patience does not mean allowing your MIL to walk over you but rather choosing your battles and words carefully. You can make your point known without undermining your MIL and while still trying to understanding her.

My Aunt lived with her MIL (my Grandmum) for years probably 15 years more or less. And then they moved to their own house complete with Swimming pool and all, the full works. My Grandmum and my uncle are really close. I’ve seen them together. They can sit together for hours and not say a word. Being in each other’s presence is enough. You see something, She loved him first.

A mother’s relationship with her son is one of the most intimate but non-intimate relationships and that’s what this is all about... Relationships. Relationships require a bit of work and a lot of patience.

Being a mother of a boy I have had this discussion with a fellow Mom (of a boy). A part of us groaned with some concern at the fact that somewhere, sometime in the future, there is this baby girl that’s going to come and take our sons. Now we don’t have a problem with that but then she’s going to come and call us a ‘witch’ yessss…. I said it. Agreed there are some MIL- DIL relationships that are just beautiful. You accept her she accepts you but you just step out of line and see the wrath. So for now we can only just pray for the best.

So to my DIL,

Dear DIL, Guess what? I loved him first.

It’s just as simple as that.

Love Zansi

My Grandmum and My Son

P.S

Do you have any crazy MIL-DIL story to share and how are you dealing with it? Or do you have any advice for me so I don’t turn into the crazy MIL? *smiles. 

P.P.S 

These past few weeks it has just been one thing or the other. My heart goes out to the families of the passengers on Malaysian aircraft MH370

And the families of the Nigerian citizens that lost their lives and to those that were injured during the recent NIS job interview.

Zeezee Catering Practical

Anytime I start to talk about my kitchen adventures my sister will say Zansi this your Alase (traditional Party Caterers) business is booming oh!

When I got married to Bobo I stopped bragging about my cooking. You see my husband has four sisters and all of them are certified caterers. They like to cook and they make sure you know that they like and know how to cook. They all have their specialties from moinmoin to jollof rice to Ikokore. But you see this quiet akata wife knows how to cook but I don’t brag and I know when to pick the battles I can win. In fact for years they assumed I don’t cook but Bobo’s expanding waistline was becoming perplexing. I cook well not extraordinary but pretty good. The other thing is I like to try new recipes nothing crazy but just new ways of cooking regular stuff. And Plating ohh… I love nice plates.

Now let me back track and tell you a little about my kitchen… I have the tiniest kitchen in the entire Lagos area. I know I’m exaggerating but my kitchen is tiny. My friend called it cute.. yeah right.

And my gas cooker has only one working burner not two or one and a half. It has just one. I have my eyes on one cooker that I’m saving up for. Nothing fancy but really sturdy. Will definitely upload the pictures so you yes you reading and wondering what to buy for me.. winks

Recently one of the drivers in my office helped me to get a transistor radio. It was for my French practice but I use it in the kitchen now. I pray and sing worship songs when I cook. Somehow the food turns out good. It must be the grace of God… *smiles.

So this weekend the kids were away at my mum’s and I decided to do some serious cooking so on Saturday after some serious cleaning and scrubbing of the house I headed off to the market. Saturday in Lagos was hooooooottt… I was sweating chei! First check: my list

Here’s a list of the things I wanted to make: 

Efo Riro

Healthy Efo

Spagetti Bolognese

Buka Stew

Ewedu

Beef Stew

Zobo

Beans

Coconut Rice with Chopped Vegs

Vegetable Salad

The Efo Riro, Healthy Efo riro, Spagetti Bolognese, Buka Stew, Ewedu, Gloria's Beef stew, Zobo and beans recipies were all gotten from Dooney's Kitchen Here

The Salad and Coconut rice recipes are mine. 

Here’s some of the things I bought

Pepper – N500 (N is Nigerian Naira)

Lemon – N100

Shrimps and Prawns –N500

Beef and Tripe - N500

Ponmo (cow skin) – N200

Ewedu- N50 ( I used just like 70% Threw the rest away. The picking was becoming tedious)

Okro – N50

Dry pepper – N200

Cabbage, Carrots, Green Pepper,Lettuce - N750 

Vegetable (Soko) - N300

Crayfish, Eja Sawa and Locust Beans (Iru) - N300

This totals to N3,450 ... I spent way more than this because I also bought staples for the house and kids. 

I put up the costs to give you an idea of the quantities I bought. 

L-R: Efo Riro, Dooney's Buka Stew, Dooney's Ewedu

Mentions:

A lot of things are not on the list because I have them at home and we only cook in small quantities in my house because of a combination of freezer space, nepa things, bobo’s aversion to food from the freezer beyond a week. Two weeks max.

I also used a lot of turkey and gizzard because I had them at home too. For my Buka stew I added the turkey at the very end because turkey cannot handle so much gragra.

Spagetti Bolognese is out because I forgot to buy the minced beef. I also forgot to buy the orange for the Zobo. I still went ahead to make it!

Heathy Efo is off the list well because the pepper finished. The Efo Riro did not hit the spot so I remixed it adding a lot more atarodo and then it did. 

I left the beans because there was just too much food flying around and when I started cooking the Buka stew my kitchen started smelling like a buka.... really freaky and I don't like buka food (*covers face). I just don't like it at all... but by the next day the stew smelt great. 

 Sorry guys I forgot to take the pictures of the Gloria’s Beef stew, Zobo, Coconut rice and the Salad.

And Please please please wash up as you go along you end up with cooked food and a clean kitchen right about the same time. #Chef Fregz

Also recipes are guides.. so let them do just that ... guide you!

Here’s the list of what I will be cooking next so watch out for Part 2 …..nollywood style

Spagetti Bolognese

Beans with seafood

Caramel

Grilled Fish

Pancakes/Crepes

Sandwich

Salad

Coconut Rice

Love Zansi

P.s

I started my garden in February. Can’t wait to start reaping the harvest. This farming business is not a joke oh.. just making mistakes and correcting and correcting … But I have God and my very own consultant.. mama senami thats's my mum. * smiles.

I also started my recipe cards and can’t wait to show them off.