Grateful.....

All through the weekend I thought I was going to do a post on my white board however, early Sunday morning our carpenter delivered our new dinning set and I started thinking of something else.

Sometime last year I decided to do some little renovations in our apartment. Bobo was initially against it but my enthusiasm gradually won him over. I made AutoCad drawings of our apartment and made several layout options including things like a dinning set and a toddler bed for Temi. Next I made a checklist of what and what needed to be done and we started going through it one at a time. Now you see one of the reasons I am so specific about our needs in the house is because we stay in a small apartment and I am truly convinced that getting a dinning set is very important, sitting together, sharing family dinners and cutting back on the TV time.

After the carpenter left, we left for church. On our way in the car, an image of our apartment when we just got married flashed through my mind…. Toys are everywhere now and almost all elements from Bobo’s bachelor pad is gone. This image left me feeling really tingly all over.

I promised myself to do some new things in areas of my life this year and one of them was to attend a revival. The last revival I attended was in university and that was a while ago. I discussed this with my friend and she invited me to one. She asked me to think of things I want from God this year and things I want to get rid of in my life. I actually thought this will be easier. You see, I've grown a lot these past few years. I can't think in terms of the 'I want .. I want... I want' frame of mind. My dreams and goals transcend beyond my immediate needs and wants.

So even when I think I want a better job, a bigger house deep deep down inside me I am absolutely grateful for the things I have, for this moment, right here right now…

Love Zansi 

This is a mommy blog

Recently I decided to step my blog up a notch. I’ve been reading up on how to define my blog, How to take better pictures… how to do this and how to do that. One thing that keeps popping up in my mind has been my definition of my blog and its simple ...this is a mommy blog. Yes it is. I am a mommy. I’m tired of hearing Zansi is married ehen.. Zansi is a mommy .. ehen.. I’m married to an amazing man and mommy to two beautiful children. Does this define me … I don’t think so. I’m still an engineer, I’m still a woman…. I’m still me. I am a product of the choices and decisions I make and I will not whine about this.

I don’t tie wrapper all over the house... I think that’s just plain nasty and I don’t think buying a N1000 magazine validates me as a mommy. So I’d rather buy a bunch of plantains or pay for my internet or phone subscription. If I can afford it fine, otherwise I don’t even think about it. I have loads of stuff to read anyways.  Now I’m not saying one choice is better than the other. Whichever you decide please own it.

We really need to stop comparing. I’m so tired of hearing mommys comparing, saying stuff like how did our moms hold it down. The terrain was much different then. I remember walking to and from primary school with my sister and friends in our estate. This was a 10 minute walk both ways and it was fun. We would take our time gist and chatting as the group gets larger and larger with more kids joining us. Now I can’t even let my kids stand in front of my gate much less walk to their school alone just two minutes away. I want to know where they are, what they are doing and who they are with.

Having babies does not make you a mommy. Plain and simple. Being a mommy transcends beyond that. 

Don’t even get me started on the team working mom vs the team stay-at-home mom. I don’t even know where this started from and I've had the chance to be both. I decided to go back to work. I made that choice. I have seen working moms holding it down and I've seen stay at home moms holding it down as well. Your job does not define you as a mommy. I’m sorry it just doesn't. If you chose to go to work and you need to hire ten house helps to keep it together then by all means own it and if you are a stay-at-home mom and you have your kids all looking fuggly and hungry well if that’s your thing own it.

And neglecting your husband in lieu of giving your kids attention is just plain cray-cray.. The I’m tired excuse just doesn't work any longer. It’s like abandoning the golden goose because of the golden eggs. Number one baby is your husband. Yes you have to mentally schedule your sex-time. I actually have a mental clock that Bobo needs to have ‘it’ at least four times a week and not those lie in bed and get it over with type.I’m talking about Kama sutra stuff and yes there will be some slip-ups. The dishes can stay in the sink overnight for one night and sometimes I tell him to wake me up after a few hours … but my big baby gets his workout.

Mommys we worry about the same things, the safety of our kids, our success, our husbands, our parents among other things... So let’s stop the judging and criticizing. We are our own worst critics. The economic and social terrain now is just plain rough and nobody is speaking up. Maybe because we are all busy trying to be ‘supermoms’ when we already are.

I’m going to take a stab at all our new age town-criers .. crying we need a new Nigeria, we need a new Nigeria, We need a reform and their target audience is just plain hilarious. They are speaking to the youths and the young adults. I’m not sure how that works. Mommys are just plain too busy, Mommys are in traffic driving to and from work, Mommys are not prepared to give you ten thousand Naira to listen to you tell them how to live their lives and still have to pay for a baby sitter. Tell them how to stretch a Naira or how to deal with that crazy househelp or how to bring the school fees down without sacrificing the quality of education, and you have their attention then you can tell them about their role in this New Nigeria because I'm convinced they are the bedrock of character building in the society. 

I’m a little tired of seeing mommys being taken advantage just because we don’t own it. Whatever you decide please own it. Stop letting yourself get pushed around by your inner demons and outer demons.. as my daughter will say ..raawwr.. roar at them. Being a mommy means holding it down. Making decisions and having confidence. However, there are some basics, some underlinings….like hygiene and finance.. and from time to time we will touch on some of these but overall… please know this that we will figure this out together. .. Love Zansi 

Top 3 Lagos-jogging Tips from a Street-Jogging Diva

Sometime last year I decided to take much needed steps to a better physical health. I decided to own my body. So I started working out. My first advice is always to find something you enjoy doing so it doesn't feel like work. I jog, walk or run regularly even while I was pregnant I would still try to get out and get moving so this decision is not an entirely new concept to me. I really do like jogging. Not in the gym but on the streets with my head phones on and some fast paced music blaring.

If you decide to start running or jogging or walking this year, here are my top 3 things to watch out for on the streets of Lagos asides from the most obvious one being security that one is just using plain common sense.

1. Dust and Environmental elements: This is a clear and present danger. You will be exposed. The first run I had during this last harmattan season, even though I had on two shirts and all the cold felt like a knife in my chest. So you will be exposed so prepare yourself and protect yourself. I wear a scarf almost always to protect my hair from the dust. If you need to, get yourself some surgical masks. You will look like a freak but you will be protected.

2. Lagos cray-cray drivers: Drivers in Lagos are just crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrazzyy. They don’t care oh! They are prepared to push you off the road. Correction, push you off the side of the road that bad.One of the crazys are the early-morning-walk-of-shame-dropping-the-girl-off-drivers. They are trying to park to drop her off but they don’t care if you are just doing your early morning jog. Its like they can’t wait to get her out of the car… shame.. shame.. shame… Beware of these ones. They don't even turn off the car engine so they can zoom off faster that an energizer bunny.

3.  And The last but definitely not the least .. probably my personal favorite. .. The- Wetin-Dey-Do-This-One-Sef-Look.. Yes these are the haters. They don’t know you oh. They just have this look on their face. Just wetin dey do this one sef.  This look of who does she think she is. On the average they are usually fat or ugly.. I kid you not. But I celebrate them. They should be your motivation. I even DIYed some of my tee-shirts for them to give them something to look at. This one says #sweat is sexy... I think that says a looot!

Enjoy your day... kisses! 

Me and My Hair

I promised myself that I was going to write a post on my hair with pictures but I didn't know it would be this soon.

I was recently chatting with my best friend from primary school. We’ve been friends for over twenty years. And we are still best of friends. We are both married now and she has moved to another state but we keep in touch almost every week.

We started sharing pictures of our current hairdos and got to the issue of hair. She has a very huge afro and she wanted to know what I had on. I have on a very Janelle Monae inspired hairdo. It actually Ghana weaving and it took a lot of thought and research by me. Somehow along the line I actually forgot to update her on the issues I have been having with my hair for the past two years.

After I had my son and then my daughter I started losing my hair in patches. Three patches to be specific. I went to the doctor and after a series of questions he scheduled me for steroid shots on my scalp. That was the first and last time I did that.. It was too painful. My brother-in-law and my bestie, S are both doctors and both of them tried to encourage me to continue with the treatment but I refused. The steroids messed up my system too much and I just couldn’t imagine continuing. One major step to figuring things out in your lives is information. You have to hunger for more information. The more information you have will determine the quality of your decisions. So I keep reading about this thing called ‘hair’. The steroids would probably make me put on weight amongst other things.. That was a definite no-no. I’d rather be skinny and bald. In fact I put up a picture of renowned model, Alek Wek. I am that confident. I kept trying different hairdos some were good choices, others were horrible choices… they just made the patches bigger. 

So one day in June 2013, I just asked my hubby to cut it all off. You hear all these sexy decisions to do the ‘ BC’ .. mine wasn’t. I just wanted to be free from this ‘hair’. We went as low as possible without cutting my scalp and then I started all over again. I started wearing wigs, headwraps and scaves.

For my current hairdo I had to get a blowout on the back. My hair is longer on the back and I wanted to take advantage of that to cover up the front plus the constant combing was wearing my hair out. It needed a rest. I needed a rest too. I had got a blow out on the back so I’m dealing with two textures now but I actually wanted to cut my hair at the back a little lower to get a more uniform look so that works and I’m fixing a weave next so I will just have to deal with that then.

So yes I pop pills to help my hair, and I think about my next two looks way ahead down to the date and hair treatments.. yes,Planning is very key. It helps reduce the possibility of bad hair days and I plan in line with my lifestyle. I’m a busy mum of two so I can’t spend hours doing my hair every morning. I work out a lot so it has to be sweat resistant to an extent. So yes I read all the hair blogs and posts for information and inspiration but at the end of the day I realize this journey I have to find my own path. I even know I don’t want long hair. I have a picture of my ideal hair.

I still read all the natural blogs and stuff but I admit I am not #team natural and I am even not #team relaxed , I’m simply #team healthy and easy to wear hair

Happy New Year Everyone!!!!

I don’t know why but I feel this year is going to be an exciting year but I guess everybody says that at the turn of a new year.

If I had to do an assessment of last year I would say it was pretty awesome. Last year was the year of my white board. However, that gist for another post.

One major remarkable event for me from 2013, especially at the tail end, was the passing on of one of my heroes Nelson Mandela. I have such remarkable admiration for the man even with his flaws because I have gotten a lot of smack from a certain friend that he’s a ‘cheater’, he’s this, he’s that but I have come to the realization that he didn't let his flaws hold him back. He was human after all. One of his key messages was about not letting your flaws hold you back…Going out there and fulfilling your dreams in spite of these so called ‘flaws’ . A lot has been said and written about Madiba so I’m not even going to try. My sister understands my admiration for this man so she tells me one day to imagine I had to give a speech at his memorial to world heads of states and dignitaries in attendance . what do I say?.. But somehow I start to imagine that it’s my memorial and not Mandela’s. Hmm…

Well let me just put it out there New year’s day is a double celebration for me, It’s my birthday as well so as we ring in a new year I also ring in a new year … so super cool. It also leaves me a little overwhelmed and exhausted as I get loads of birthday wishes which I really appreciate. I also get super reflective on the things I’m grateful for.

I am eternally grateful for the gift of salvation. Literarily Jesus saved me from myself. My Mum; an amazing, strong and just special woman. My husband; If I had to write words about this man I’d be old and aged and still writing, He’s my superhero, He saved me next. My babies; they are just the light of my days. They make everything fun and interesting and new. My sister; she’s my best friend, we may quarrel and have opposing views about things but we never let it get in the way of our friendship.

My friends…. I have amazing friends, true. If I started a roll-call I will definitely get into trouble. You guys are my sounding boards.

But to those that made a difference in my life in 2013, you all know yourselves. Thank you. I love you. I appreciate every single thing both good and bad.  and the rest of y’all 2014 is your chance …. Ha ha!!

So lets raise our “virtual” glasses for a toast to 2014… to good health, long life, peace of mind, success …. and Love …. And oh figuring ‘it’ out … whatever your ‘it’ is . … kisses … mmmmwahh!! And Please don’t let your flaws hold you back … Go out there and fulfill your (quality) dreams.